Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Being Swept Away...

I am in the process of putting together a dance about adoption. I am going to perform it with my senior girls. The song is called, "Swept Away". It's by Geoff Moore. His family has adopted 2 daughters from China. The words are really meaningful, the first verse and chorus goes like this,

We would say your name 100 times a day
Like speaking words in Faith
With a mixture of hope, and fear and trust
We prayed for strength to wait
And dreamed of how we'd feel that day
You'd be in our arms

Swept Away
Caught up in our love
Home to stay
You'll never be alone
You'll be amazed at how much you are loved
Life will never be the same...when you're swept away...

The seniors and I listened to it yesterday and everyone was in tears...myself included. The seniors wanted me to dance with them and I wasn't sure if I was going to but they wanted to do this song with me. It will be something that I will treasure always with these girls. They have been some of my most favorite people and people who are so excited about Gary & I adopting. These are the students that call Gary & I Mama & Papa Bear. So to be able to perform this very special dance with them and be able to express all of our(Gary & myself) emotions about this process of adoption through dance is a blessing and so needed. The music is something I've had since Christmas, but I actually found the song last year when we were going through all the paperwork. The words are so powerful and meaningful, and ring so true.

So, I am really proud of this dance, and actually of this entire show. I have had so many emotions the last year that I have put them all in this show. Frustrations, happiness, silliness, feeling like you're going out of your mind, sadness, inspired, and anxiousness, depressed, hope...EVERYTHING!!!

I hope all family & friends will be at the show to see this number. We are going to incorporate the "red thread" poem into it also through color and fabrics. Hope you can be there to see it!!!

We are almost at double digits...4 days and we will be-FINALLY...HALLELUJAH!!!!

Love to all & hope to see you at the show!!!


Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Thanks Hayley...

I was at the studio last night and Hayley showed up with another square and another scrapbook page. Love it!!!!

We appreciate that so much!!!

I have about 9 other scrapbook pages that I need to do. I have been getting fabric to put in the quilt for different wishes from Gary and myself. I only have 2 of them done though. We have about 4-5 we need to get pictures of yet and post...we'll get to it probably after May 10th.

But again thank you to Hayley for the 2nd wish and square, and to everyone that has left a comment...they really do help.

Love to all,

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

We're home from Boston...

We had a great time in Boston. Gary had training and I kinda chilled out for 2 days. I did a couple pages for Avery's scrapbook, was wanting to do some costume shopping...not much luck there, but we had a good time.

We went to Faneuil Marketplace, and the Aquarium. Actually saw someone we knew at the aquarium. We were at the top of the big tank on our way down and one of my little ballerinas was there with her brother, Mom and Garndma. Lydia was surprised to see me, all of my students think I live at the dance studio and never come out, so it confuses them when they see Miss Allison in the real world. We were so surprised that we saw someone we knew...go figure.

I got Avery a really cute zip up sweatshirt, with ladybugs on it-24 months so she'll have to grow into it. There is a tiny tiny ladybug crawling on the keyboard while I am writing this. She has a lot of spots and is a really deep, deep red. I also got a lady bug finger puppet at the aquarium, and a lady bug garden flag. Lady bugs, lady bugs, lady bugs!!!!

I am way busier than I should be right now. I have a show in 19 days, and still have 8 dances to teach for it. I am living at the dance studio right now...it's typical this time of year. I am exhausted and stressed to the max, that's also typical. I can't wait for Summer and a little time off. I've also decide I'm not taking as many students at the studio next year. This has been a tough year with kids, we have those every once in awhile, I call them transition years. But, I'm not in it for the money. I'm in it to sure be able to pay the bills and have a little extra but I don't want my work to feel so much like work all the time, I don't want to lose that love for what I do. So I am going to yet again re-arrange the studio next year and really get it to the way I want it. Lately it's not as much fun as it used to be. I know a lot of that is that kids are different today. I understand that...but I want to feel happy at my job, not so stressed. So a change needs to happen.

April has gone fast, we are almost at a year...now only about 1 more to go, cross your fingers!!!!

It has gone fast but also slow. I'm wondering if the Summer will feel like a lifetime, because I'm not as busy, and really don't want to be either. The Olympics should be fun to watch since they are in China this year, hopefully everybody will think of us and our daughter during that time and send some good thoughts and fortunes our way.

I guess that's all for now.

Thanks to those of you who respond back to me, I totally appreciate it!!


Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Avery's Quilt...

So, I'm wondering about our families and friends. We would like to receive more quilt squares so I can actually look at all the pieces and start to figure out a configuration of the material. But...we are still waiting on people. I have tossed and turned with the decision of sending out another notice. I thought I would because some people thought they couldn't send their square because it was past the deadline we put on the first invitation. But if we didn't put a date we never would have started to receive any squares. We have over 70 wishes and more squares than that. There are some more we need to post that we haven't yet. I can't believe that some people wouldn't want to do this for us. Especially family. It is important for us to have our families involved in this process. I think some people just figure that it's a long ways off yet so no hurry. It will be important for Avery to feel that all of her family and our friends were involved. So I have the next notice done, and I'm going to send it out...some people will probably get mad or be disturbed about it, but honestly this tradition means a lot to us and we know we have at least 100 people that are looking forward to her arrival, and this is part of our support system during this wait time.

So if you want to support us, send your square. If you've sent 1 and want to send another please do!!!!!

So when we are back from Boston, I'm going to send out the new notices to the people we haven't heard from, and also to some new people who have shown interest in wanting to be a part of this process.

Love to all,

Friday, April 11, 2008

Ladybugs are popular...

I was out costume shopping today for my 3 dance companies. I went to Syracuse because I'm on vacation right now for Spring Break so I went there to see if I could find anything. Didn't find anything for the companies but I did for Avery, of course.

Ladybugs seem to be popular, again. I got her a sun hat with ladybugs on it, and 2 pairs of fancy socks that have ladybugs on them. I couldn't resist...I resisted the Ladybug dress because it was a specifically Summer dress and we aren't quite sure which season we will have her for when. But, as I was in Gymboree, there was a couple there with their Asian daughter she looked about 7-8 months old. The Mom actually looked familiar to me. We've been to some functions through our adoption agency and she looked like one of the waiting Moms back at the Chinese New Year party we went to in January, we sat across the table from 2 women, and one of the father's was there.I didn't recognize the Father in the store today. They were so worn down and frustrated back then at the party. I'm not sure if it was her or not, and it's hard to ask a complete stranger about their Chinese daughter, some people take offense. You could tell they just arrived back from China because they weren't sure what size would fit her, and the Grandmother was precious saying all sorts of things to her new grandchild, giggling and playing...it warmed my heart. The little girl was beautiful and happy. I hope it was them and if so I'm glad their wait is over. We just got news yesterday that a family from our adoption agency got back recently with their daughter. That's also what made me think it might be them. I guess I need to get more nerve to be able to ask these people questions. But I hung around in the shop to listen in...I'm not a stalker, just curious.

In my travels today at JC Penney I came across a sign in the baby department that read, "No matter how Motherhood happens...it's a miracle." I liked that a lot-didn't buy it-yet, but I liked that saying.

In Borders the first book as you walked into the children's department was a new book on a display and the title was, "Little Miss Ladybug". It was about a little girl who likes to dress up as a ladybug. Didn't buy that either, yet.

There are more and more signs everywhere, everyday. Everywhere I go and everywhere I look.

I hope they keep coming because it keeps me sane.

Love to all~

Thursday, April 10, 2008

More poetry

Praying, Hoping, Waiting...

I know you're out there somewhere
so very far away
So I will keep you in my heart
until that special day
When we can be together
your daddy, you and me
I just can't wait until that day
when we're a family.

© Erin Kling

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Ladybugs, Ladybugs, everywhere!!

Is your house over run with ladybugs this Spring? Ours is, but I kinda like it because of the meaning they have in China adoptions...I find them comforting to have around the house. We've had little ones, and big fat ones, and some with no spots at all...they are very interesting bugs and I like having them around.

Here are some facts about ladybugs...

• There are nearly 5,000 different kinds of ladybugs worldwide and 400 which live in North America.
• A female ladybug will lay more than 1000 eggs in her lifetime.
• A ladybug beats its wings 85 times a second when it flies.
• Aphids are a ladybug's favorite food.
• Ladybugs chew from side to side and not up and down like people do.
• A gallon jar will hold from 72,000 to 80,000 ladybugs.
• Ladybugs make a chemical that smells and tastes terrible so that birds and other predators won't eat them.
• If you squeeze a ladybug it will bite you, but the bite won't hurt.
• The spots on a ladybug fade as the ladybug gets older.
• During hibernation, ladybugs feed on their stored fat.
• Ladybugs won't fly if the temperature is below 55 degrees Fahrenheit.
• The ladybug is the official state insect of Delaware, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, Ohio, and Tennessee.
• The male ladybug is usually smaller than the female.
• The Asian Lady Beetle can live up to 2-3 years if the conditions are right.
• A ladybug's life cycle is only four to eight weeks.
• Today ladybugs are used to symbolize good luck and fortune.

So must be we have a lot of good luck & fortune in our lives, because we have them everywhere.

Happy Spring!!

Friday, April 4, 2008

A great poem...have you heard it before, it's one of my favorites.

The Two Women

Once there were two women
living half a world apart.
God joined these women together
with a common thread between their hearts.

In one, He created a life,
a beautiful baby girl.
In the other, He planted an idea,
weighing it heavily on her soul.

The first, heartbroken, faith strong,
knew the baby wasn't hers to raise.
She watched as the baby was taken,
and knelt down to God in praise.

The second, frightened, faith strong,
asked God to hold her hand
as she traveled toward a dream
to an unfamiliar, distant land.

The baby, she was beautiful,
an angelic Asian face.
She stared, wide-eyed and curious,
as into her mother's arms she was placed.

And there were tears full of sadness
as one mother's heart wept.
And there were tears full of gladness
as one mother's heart leapt.

Two very different women
with a common circumstance.
Each asking for God's guidance
instead of leaving life to chance.

Two very different women
who love the same little girl,
praying to God daily
to guide her through this world.

And though they'll never meet,
they are forever joined heart to heart
by the same awesome God,
lands apart.

I love this poem!!

Thursday, April 3, 2008

Happy 9 months to us!!

Today is April 3rd, so it's 9 months in now for the adoption. Next month we are finally in double digits!!!

We really haven't heard from our adoption agency lately. But we are again starting the payment schedule of the adoption so when the last check went in I asked to see if anyone had been traveling or was going to travel. We heard from Pat our new adoption agent on Tuesday. She said that a family was just back from China, they were traveling for a special needs child. She also said that there were 3 families waiting for confirmation from China on their letters of intent for 3 special needs children. She also said they should be traveling soon. We haven't received a special needs list in awhile, we always look at the list to see if there is a child on that list we would want to adopt. Special needs can be anything from a surgery to remove a birthmark or something else of that kind, to a misformed limb or cleft palette. It all depends on the list and what they call special needs. So we always keep our eye on that list.

For special needs you have to send a letter of intent for the child and that has to be approved. It usually takes 4-8 weeks to hear back about the letter and then you still don't travel for about another 3 months after that. It seems to be quicker than the normal wait but still a wait and a much bigger task. Not to say we aren't up for that, we are just watching the lists and waiting.

So, 9 months. We have waited the wait of a normal pregnancy and we still have 2 more pregnancies to go through. Too bad I wasn't really pregnant...our child and our new nephew Samuel would have only been a couple weeks apart in ages...that would have been nice.

I am looking for warmer weather and getting outside I think the fresh air and exercise will do us some good.

Love to all~

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Feeling tired...

Maybe it's because it's "Spring", but it doesn't feel like it yet because it's still dreary. Maybe it's because I'm so busy right now and mentally drained from work and completely exhausted, that my soul feels tired. I am so looking forward for our life to change and the focus of our lives to change. I am wanting to be thinking about other things especially when I am overwhelmed by work and doing so much to prepare 100+ dancers for 3 shows coming up in May & June. I am longing for the days where the focus is only going to be on 1 child. I am so used to being stressed and doing so much for my work that I think I forget about life, and to live it sometimes.

Even though I am technically not a Mom yet, I have been a Mom/2nd Mom to my students for the past 13 years. I want to be able to think about designing the nursery, starting the quilt, finishing pages for her scrapbook, starting her life book. Picking out material for her curtains, and everything else. Instead right now it's all about choreography, and costumes, and music, and shoes, and make-up, and rehearsals that are 5-6 hours long on the weekends, and I feel like my head will explode!!! But on the other hand I love all that too!! Just right now, I'm getting older and I want my focus to change. Instead of teaching all the little ballerinas at the studio, I want one of my own. I want to teach Avery how to do pliƩs, and gallops, tip toe walks, and arabesques.

I love my job and teaching, I love the kids. I love teaching new moves and getting excited when they do it right, and encouraging them to try harder when it's not just right. But lately I feel as if something is missing. I guess I have always felt it, but lately I feel it more. It's hard to watch everyone else with their children, and it's not jealousy it's just that want from deep inside that comes out.

Then all the insecurities come out, like I said before you aren't considered a "real" adult until you have children of your own, especially when you are in your 30's. Everyone assumes you don't want children, but have no idea of the hardships that you have faced up to this point, of trying to conceive, and being disappointed month after month after month. Then you find something that works for you...adoption. The timing feels right and you get so excited and you know it's going to be a wait...but then the wait gets extended, and extended, and extended. Then you are back to being disappointed all over again.
It's hard and I am tired lately...need some inspiration.

The sad thing is we have about another 12 months at least, of waiting and I'm sure that this waiting will get even worse.

I am hoping that going to Boston in 2 weeks, and having the May show, and working on an adoption piece for the show will help relieve some of my "tiredness". I hope so.

Thursday will be our 9th month into the adoption. Almost to double digits!!!-FINALLY!!

Take care & love to all~