Tuesday, September 30, 2008

So...almost 15 months in and 16 more to go.

So if you didn't know, we are 15 months in on Friday and have about 16 more months to go. Another year plus...I think I'm past denial now and onto acceptance. Acceptance that I'm going to be 37 by the time we get Avery and then what do we do. We would like 2 children, but it may only be that we have one. But be grateful for one, one little girl, one little ballerina of our own, one little ladybug. It's just depressing. Another set of birthdays, another Mother's Day, another Father's Day, another Christmas or 2. Another family vacation without us being a family of more than 2. I used to think I wouldn't be one of those bitter, and depressed looking individuals waiting for their daughter to arrive. But, I see it a little, not much but a little. It should be better when my schedule starts to pick up for Company, nothing like throwing yourself into your work...it's what I've done for the past 20 years.

We have a function at New Life Adoption Agency (our agency) with other waiting families in October, looking forward to that. We are going to NYC in a week, really looking forward to that, needing some time with Gary lately.

We did take out the old rug in Avery's room, and pulled off all the trim, and everything, So, it's really just a empty room. There's stuff in it, but not much. We are still going to get some other stuff done before we start her room. I'm mixed lately on starting her room. I would love to be able to sit in there and write things to her before she arrives. I've tried a journal, but can't do it on a regular basis. I think if there is a place I can go where I can feel closer to her maybe it will come easier. But on the other hand I wonder if it will just upset me. I think both. But I think that comes with the territory.

On another note. Our fingerprints have expired. Which we figured they would. So, we have to get an extention to get them re-done. We won't have to pay this time but the next time we will...because this will probably happen again. Also, one of our documents is also going to expire. So we will have to have some stuff updated like the homestudy etc. We just got the China Adminstrations Fee paid for...onto the next set of paperwork etc. and the re-doing of some too. We knew this would happen, hoped maybe it wouldn't but really knew it would.

So that's where we are. There are a ton of new quilt pages and more to come. I just finished my Grandpa Scofield's and it will be posted soon. Anxious to start the quilt and feel like we are making some sort of progress in one way or another.

If you're reading our blog, please leave comments or just a hey! It helps more than you think,

Love to all~
Alli & Gary

Monday, September 15, 2008

Thank you Noah!!

A big thank you to Noah for my birthday presents. They were 4 plaques that have chinese characters on them. The characters are...Happiness, Love, Harmony and Peace. I also loved the card and Owen's picture!!

I love them and can't wait to put them up.

Thank you Noah, Avery definitely has a special cousin to meet!!!

Love ya,
Aunt Alli

New quilt squares on Avery's Quilt link...

Click on the other link for Avery's quilt. We have finally updated and put up the new quilt pages. I did scrapbooking half a day Friday and pretty much all day Saturday and got everything up to date-FINALLY!!!

Love to all,

Friday, September 12, 2008

A poem for waiting families...

I found this poem today as I was looking for things to put on scrapbook pages and in Avery's life book. I found it very moving. It is by a woman named Myla Stauber. She is a woman who was waiting for her child from Vietnam. It is about friends and family who help you, people who encourage and say what you need when you need it. I hope you enjoy it.

Even though I was afraid
you laid a hand on mine and said "it's ok, don't cry Myla, ...your baby is out there
and she's waiting patiently for you."

Even though I didn't believe somedays,
you believed for me
when I couldn't muster it, you called,
you wrote, you came around anyway.

When I couldn't stand any more questions or talk
you said you were thinking of me and that meant so much
even if I couldn't express it

I was angry and hurting,
so much grief, pain, and loss-
when I could not see beyond it you said "love, Myla"

When I was too close to the situation and my vision clouded,
bogged down in logistics
you reminded me of the reason,
of the direction,
of the necessity,
of the power inherent in us all to rise above.

My tears are grateful ones now, friend, believe it.
I take you with me when I go.

Love to all and a prayer out to our Avery...where she is or isn't yet.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Can you say the first of 2010...

Another update from the adoption agency today. It looks as if we're looking at the beginning of 2010, until we get Avery. That's it!! I feel as if I've been trying to tell myself that it will speed up and China will get there act together...don't think so. I appreciate all the updates from the adoption agency, it's their job, I know. But, I tell ya, I think I liked living in my world of optimism, and denial. It's happier there.

Ever feel as if there was something you did in your life that is preventing you to get what you want. If only you could figure it out so that you could fix everything and it would all be how you want it. I believe in karma. But I also believe that I have been a teacher for a reason, that I have helped hundreds of kids over the past 17 years for a reason. That I became a dance teacher who cares about her students for a reason.

Just sometimes you gotta wonder...where's ours?

Me venting...what's new.

Totally frustrated more than ever,

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Another Birthday...no Avery yet.

Well, I turned 35 on the 6th. No other birthdays really bothered me, 31 bothered me a little but not much. Everyone else I talk to said that 30 bothered them, it didn't bother me I was glad to get out of my 20's. I don't feel like people take you seriously in your 20's. But 35 is tough. When I see 35 I see almost 40, which is true but it seems closer than before. I know that doesn't make a lot of sense but in my head it does. I have a great life. A wonderful husband, who understands all my quirks and loves me anyways, and he is my support system through everything in life. He builds me up when I need it and when I'm unsure of myself he tells me I can do anything. I have a job that I absolutely love. Not everyone can say they love their job but I do. I have a successful business, with loyal students and parents, and the business just keeps on growing and growing. I love teaching my dancers, it's very rewarding. I have a lot of dancers that just make me laugh, and I enjoy having them all in my life. I have supportive families, and friends. A great house, and pets, we are healthy and everything is really good. But 35 threw me for a loop.

As I was putting other clothes in Avery's closet, and going through her stuff that we already have, I broke down crying. Gary was great and supportive and understood. He asked me, "do you miss Avery?" Of course I said yes. He said he did too. But is that nuts?? A child we have never met, or have no pictures of, and don't know exactly when we will go to get her...and we miss her so much. We have seen her in our dreams and daydreams, and thoughts, and every time we see a little Asian girl we say, "There's an Avery". Every picture we see...ladybug...there's Avery. I know it's not nuts, but I'm sure people are sick of us being down about the adoption and want us to just deal with it. So, we're trying. It's rough on us, and no one can say anything that makes it better. It's just what it is. We appreciate all the support. Sometimes I think I'm talking to myself, I don't think anyone is reading this. But it's my way of talking through it. I appreciate the comments when someone leaves one.

We should be having a get together soon with other waiting families from our adoption agency. Plus, we've been invited to a Moon Festival dinner again with the families that have adopted from China from around our area. Not sure if we're going to that. I have a mini breakdown when I walk in the room where there are like 25 little Asian girls and boys. That want for Avery just comes fully out and it takes me about 10 minutes to collect my thoughts. I never used to be a cryer, or a person that let things like that affect her. I didn't know things like that affected me until we went to it last year and it just hit me all at once. I loved talking to the parents though. It is nice to be around other people that have been through the same thing. Plus, one of the little girls I teach at the studio is Asian and she will be there...so we'll see.

Hope everyone is good, love to all.


Friday, September 5, 2008

Happy 14 months in to us!!

The Chinese word for 14 is "shi si".

So we are now 14 months in and have another 4 months to my next goal, but another year probably until our referral or at least when we will be close to our referral. Just wanted to sat thank you to Tom & Liz and the girls for the lady bug game, and the lady bug costume top. It has antennas and everything...it's very cute!!! Can't wait to see Avery in it buzzing around the house.

So we're waiting...STILL!!!!!!!!!!!

I turn 35 tomorrow on the 6th. A little depressing. Gary is taking me shopping today for my birthday our annual ritual, then dinner.

Love to everyone!!!

Monday, September 1, 2008

Happy Labor Day!!!

So we are coming up on 14 months...another year to go. No matter what it is and no matter when you ask us we are going to say another year to go. Then we 'll be surprised when it actually gets here. Happy Labor Day to everyone. The end of Summer is here, the kids are all getting ready to go back to school. I'm ready to get back to my schedule, and being busier. I've had all of my registrations and my schedule is put together really well this year. We are starting to transition people at the studio for when we get Avery. My schedule will change a bit and our commitments at the studio will change a bit...focuses will obviously change and things will be different. Our focus has always been on other people's children and now it will be on our own child (children)-Finally!!! So we've been doing my schedule differently for the past 2 years to slowly transition the kids and the parents for our life change.

My brother Tom and our sister in law, Liz and our nieces Jessica & Jodi were here over the weekend. It is a Scofield tradition to go to the NYS Fair so Tommy and his family come home for it every year. I've been to the fair every year for over 30 years. Gary has been for the past 19 years with my family...it's just tradition. So we go all together, my Mom, and Dad, my 2 brothers Tom and John, Jess and Jodi our nieces and Gary and myself. It was fun. I went on the carousel with Jodi, and the Himalayan with Jess. We all went on the big Ferris wheel except for Tommy. Gary went on the Himalayan with Jess. Jodi, Jess and I went on the roller coaster together, I was laughing so hard I was crying!!! It was a good time!!!

Today we went to the dedication of the benches in the new Adams park. Grandma Newton's parents had a bench dedicated to them and actually the other bench was dedicated to relatives on Beth's side of the family. So, it was like a big family reunion. Very cool!! After that there was a Brown family get together at Uncle Richard's and Aunt Linda's cottage. It was a lot of fun to meet people and relatives and spend time with the family. I always believe things happen for a reason, or karma, and fate or whatever. But as we were talking... a ladybug landed on Judy's shoulder. A reminder of Avery...she was there, her spirit, her reminder to us and everyone, she was part of the day and I believe that ladybug showed up at our table and on Judy's shoulder for a reason. It was only 1 ladybug, she was really red and vibrant...thank you!!!

We saw Aunt Nancy and Uncle Tom today. I don't remember if we thanked them for the lady bug pillow on here. But about a month ago we received a pillow from them that was a ladybug...very cute. Thank you so much!!!

Today was a good day. Almost 14 months in, I'm turning 35 in 5 days. I hate to think about that...it is depressing to me!!!

Hope everyone had a good Summer. We heard about China having another earthquake today. Not good. Please keep everyone safe and sound.

Love to all~