Another Birthday...no Avery yet.

Well, I turned 35 on the 6th. No other birthdays really bothered me, 31 bothered me a little but not much. Everyone else I talk to said that 30 bothered them, it didn't bother me I was glad to get out of my 20's. I don't feel like people take you seriously in your 20's. But 35 is tough. When I see 35 I see almost 40, which is true but it seems closer than before. I know that doesn't make a lot of sense but in my head it does. I have a great life. A wonderful husband, who understands all my quirks and loves me anyways, and he is my support system through everything in life. He builds me up when I need it and when I'm unsure of myself he tells me I can do anything. I have a job that I absolutely love. Not everyone can say they love their job but I do. I have a successful business, with loyal students and parents, and the business just keeps on growing and growing. I love teaching my dancers, it's very rewarding. I have a lot of dancers that just make me laugh, and I enjoy having them all in my life. I have supportive families, and friends. A great house, and pets, we are healthy and everything is really good. But 35 threw me for a loop.

As I was putting other clothes in Avery's closet, and going through her stuff that we already have, I broke down crying. Gary was great and supportive and understood. He asked me, "do you miss Avery?" Of course I said yes. He said he did too. But is that nuts?? A child we have never met, or have no pictures of, and don't know exactly when we will go to get her...and we miss her so much. We have seen her in our dreams and daydreams, and thoughts, and every time we see a little Asian girl we say, "There's an Avery". Every picture we see...ladybug...there's Avery. I know it's not nuts, but I'm sure people are sick of us being down about the adoption and want us to just deal with it. So, we're trying. It's rough on us, and no one can say anything that makes it better. It's just what it is. We appreciate all the support. Sometimes I think I'm talking to myself, I don't think anyone is reading this. But it's my way of talking through it. I appreciate the comments when someone leaves one.

We should be having a get together soon with other waiting families from our adoption agency. Plus, we've been invited to a Moon Festival dinner again with the families that have adopted from China from around our area. Not sure if we're going to that. I have a mini breakdown when I walk in the room where there are like 25 little Asian girls and boys. That want for Avery just comes fully out and it takes me about 10 minutes to collect my thoughts. I never used to be a cryer, or a person that let things like that affect her. I didn't know things like that affected me until we went to it last year and it just hit me all at once. I loved talking to the parents though. It is nice to be around other people that have been through the same thing. Plus, one of the little girls I teach at the studio is Asian and she will be there...so we'll see.

Hope everyone is good, love to all.

~Alli