Language is important...

So I will put up a longer blog about this later but a short note about language and what's appropriate and what's not. What we will tolerate and what we won't. There are no bending of the rules here...

Because we are adopting a daughter from China, and really not just because of that. I feel we need to remind people of language. I know we all grew up with slang words, and throughout our lives know people who may have used them, in a joke, in passing not really meaning anything by it, or written it, or used the not "pc" version or whatever. But if you are our friends you will learn to use proper language, and will teach the people you hang out with to use the proper language. All of the stereotypes, and all of the "jokes" will stop, and we will not tolerate them. Even if you mean nothing by it, you will need to think of what if Alli & Gary's daughter heard that...how would she feel?... would you feel?-EXACTLY!!

You can't blame it on your age, you can't blame it on someone else said it, you can't blame it on your upbringing, you have a mind-use it!

We ask this of everyone we know. If you cannot respond in the correct way, and educate other people, you will not be a part of ours or Avery's life-Plain & Simple.

Any one comment can turn into 2 or 3 or more. Even if it is something that has nothing to do with us, and isn't directed toward us but we see it, or hear it in the background of life, it's not right and we will not tolerate it, any way, shape, or form.

It's been said that people who Internationally adopt should expect to hear these kinds of words, it's just going to be a part of life, so get used to it. We are not naive, we know that we will have to put up with comments, and whispers, and looks, and all sorts of things. But it still doesn't make it right, that we should expect these things and just ignore them. Especially from friends, and family, and people we know. Why not start the dialog of why we won't accept this language now, before she's here. To explain to people why this isn't acceptable, and try to change the thought process...now. It has nothing to do with we don't have children yet, so we don't understand. We wouldn't tolerate this sort of language whether we were adopting from China or not, whether we are parents or not. It's really just called having morals, and standards, and I don't know of any parents that don't want to instill in their children the best they can, appropriateness, tolerance, manners, and kindness. Maybe this world we live in would be a different place if more people were kind and were held accountable for their words, and actions.

We are 11 months from our referral now, so here come some of the rules of our family. This journey is going to be different than anyone else's. The parenting style, her attachment issues, her letting down of her walls, her rules of who she will let into her heart when and where, the way we handle things, the things that we will not put up with as we build a stable, and constant, and safe community of people for Avery. When we bring her home, tear her from the only world she has known for 10-13 months of her life, everything for her is going to change in an instant, in a heartbeat. We will try to make things as comfortable, and as calming, and as stable as we can for her, and we will follow her lead of what those things, or who those people are. You will have to abide by our rules, and follow our lead on this life we are going to build for our daughter. Just as any other parent would...

Okay so it was the long version:)
Love to all,
~Alli & Gary