Are you a Mother...a Father...

We've had a really busy Summer since I've been back to work, so I haven't found the time to post, but I have a little time this morning. We have lots of news on Avery's room, and pictures of before and the progress we are making. I have lots to talk about from a wedding we just attended last weekend of 2 very precious people to us. I have lots to say about family that has been up for the last 2 weeks-great people and very fun!!, and also what's happening in our families lately. I have lots to say about my work schedule, and how camps are going. I have stuff to comment on like things we have been dong in the community. Gary 's reunion, and other things too. But there is one thing that I will probably comment on in this post then on all the other stuff later this weekend. I've let this "thing" kinda sit for a couple of weeks, and that's probably a little bit why I haven't written anything lately. I've been letting this sit in my mind to sort it out, and I think I was just too mad before that I think it would have come out too mean, so I've let it sit for about 2 weeks, and now it's okay for me to comment on...I think.

We've had a busy Summer so far as I stated, and some things have happened, and some comments made and I think some people just don't know what they are saying, and even though I try to let it roll off my shoulders, here is my outlet, and everything comes out in this blog, and I have to say something or I wouldn't be a good "Mom" to be (you'll get that comment later on in this post):)

I have a question, when does a woman really become a woman, or a Mother? Is it only when she gives birth to a child? Because this is what I thought in my mind. I thought that just because someone gives birth does not make them more of a woman or necessarily make them a Mother. There are things like responsibility, maturity, love, and morals, and a whole realm of things that make a person a good Mother. I've met and seen some people who are "Mothers" and let me tell you, they should not be allowed to have children, and should not be allowed to call themselves a Mother.

As someone who is dying to become a Mom, it has been hard in the last 7 years, and especially the last 2 years to break that Mommy wall. You really can't and I understand that, but it's a club you can't get into to and people snub you until you actually have a child in your hands. I know I can't understand a lot of things because I don't have Avery right here and it's a right of passage to give birth in some people's eyes, so does that mean I will be less of a Mom because she didn't come from my belly? I think as an adoptive parent, I will struggle with this from a lot of people throughout my and Gary's life too. I think that Avery will be our daughter and I will not see the differences that everyone else will see all the time. She is just Avery to us, now and forever.

Someone said to Gary recently, that a woman becomes a woman when she gives birth, and that's when she becomes a Mother. And a man becomes a Father when he holds his child for the first time. That statement has been bothering me for the past 2 weeks. Granted it came from an 18 year old. But it did come from a friend. I have been trying to let it roll, let it roll, and for my sake and Gary's sake and for our daughter's sake-I can't. Avery is our daughter, she will be born this Summer, or already is born. God had specifically picked her out for us, he has picked us as her parents. We have had 2 years to prepare for her, mentally, physically, made our house a home, and already we have given her so much love, even though she's not here. This journey of parenthood that we are on was chosen for us, meant to be. The statement about when a man is a Father, and a woman a Mother is complete &*$%#!!!!!!!

I think I'm still processing these comments and I think my attitude of what is acceptable to say to us and what is not has completely changed with these comments. Since our news of getting through review, and on into the matching room, my confidence is up, and I feel like a new person. As if to say, "There!! Those of you who didn't think this was ever going to happen, take that, progress, finally, you happy now?"

There has been a lot said over the years about us not having kids. Comments like, "Well, if you were serious about it you would be doing something about it". People just don't understand the harshness of those words sometimes, especially when they don't know any background on us. But people that do know the background still make those comments.

We are good people, making a home for a little girl. Not just a "home", but a home in our hearts, and surrounding her with people and family that love her, and love her already. How fortunate Avery is and will be that for 2 1/2 years almost 3 years so many people have been waiting for her. Have already made room in their hearts for her. In my mind Gary and I are already parents of a little girl. You can agree or disagree, that's up to you, but we aren't going to listen anymore to the nay-sayers.

A little brown eyed girl with black hair has been born halfway around the world and she belongs to us. Somehow our hearts have already met, and are sewn together through love and hope. She will light up our days, and rule our world. We will be her parents even though she has been born in our hearts and not in my belly...she is our Avery. Whether you think her mystical right now or not, she is real to us...I feel that, she is out there and everyday my heart grows bigger and China grows closer.

We are coming to get you Avery...Mommy & Daddy are coming to get you.

Love to all~
~Alli