muqin jie kuai le...Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day in chinese is- muqin jie kuai le
To pronounce it goeslike this- Moo chin-gee-yeah-kwai luh
The chinese characters on here also say Happy Mother's Day.

Mother's Day is the one holiday each year for at least the past 4-5 years that I do not look forward to. It has nothing to do with my Mom, she is the greatest Mom ever and we get along great and always have and I wouldn't be the person I am today without her guidance or support-"Love ya Mom!!" It has nothing to do with Gary's Mom either whom of which I love too and she is always there to support me and listen also. It has to do with me and being a woman.

I am 34 and have no children...of my own. Now that's nobody's fault, I truly believe things happen for a reason and that Gary & I are on a path that we were destined to be on since we met. We are constantly helping kids at the studio through their lives, and constantly teaching kids and around them and we are called Mama & Papa Bear all the time. But as a woman and I've said this before I feel incompetent. And, on Mother's Day I feel especially incompetent. I dread this day every year and can't wait for it to be over. I am so lucky though to have a great Mom, and a great Mom in law, and great Grandmothers, and love to celebrate them on this day, but I would love to be Mom, and the waiting is hard, it's like it's right there but you can't get to it. Every time you reach for it, it moves away again. I am extremely emotional on Mother's Day, any little comment or the words, "Your day is coming..." does not help and sends me reeling. So, it's just me and my take on the day. I can't help it and it won't change until I can hold Avery in my arms on Mother's Day, and truly feel like a Mom.

I am the same with baby showers, I haven't been able to go to one of those in the last 5 years. Too many questions I have to answer and I just can't go to them either. It's my way of dealing...healthy or not, you feel the way you feel. And contrary to what people think you are happy for everyone, and wish everyone well but until you are put into this position you can't understand it and cannot judge it.

So, muqin jie kuai le to everyone!!!
Love to all~
Alli